PPE: Personal Protective Equipment or Plenty of Pricey Extras?
Being a proud part of the oil and gas industry with many energy sector clients in our customer base, we at (Industrial NetMedia/Safety Spot/HR Director) have put together a comprehensive list of the PPE items required by many of our client businesses. However, with it being the summer holiday season, we are hoping to give you a chuckle with our own special PPE list. Enjoy!
Steel-Toed Boots (STB)
Weighing in at close to the same amount of kilograms as one of Wiley Coyote's Acme anvils, steel-toed boots, or STBs, (not to be confused with STDs which are WAY different) are an important addition to a rig worker's wardrobe. These boots are carefully designed to look grotesquely oversized and hopelessly hideous right off the shelf, but have rugged steel inserts in them to protect the boot company from legal action. These boots are particularly popular with guys having the nickname, "Butter Fingers".
Steel-Toed Winter Boots (STWB)
Similar to a regular STB, the winter version is not quite as aesthetically attractive as its fair-weather counterpart but does have a removable liner. This feature allows you to lose part of the boot, rendering them cold, uncomfortable and largely useless; much like my in-laws.
Steel-Toed Industrial Flip-Flops (STIFF)
Perfect for the aging hippy on your jobsite. Be careful to ensure they are CSA approved and allowed in the union contract. To be certain, simply phone the help desk at 1-800-ARU-NUTZ.
Fire Retardant Coveralls (FRC)
This article of outerwear is a vast improvement over the Fire Encouragement Coveralls (FEC) which were used before the invention of FRCs. (The last FEC manufacturing plant burned to the ground in 1962.) These coveralls, or 'covies' as they are known in 'the patch' are not only able to retard fire but to cover all your clothing. This is great as you can wear anything you wish under your covies and no one is the wiser; whether it be a tuxedo or something lacy you borrowed from the missus.
Green King Work Gloves (GKWG)
These special work gloves are called "Green King" because, not only are they green, they were the favourite of Elvis Presley, the King of Rock and Roll. Made of fleece produced by genetically-engineered green sheep, these gloves are ideal for the demands of heavy industry as you can steal off the other guys without them knowing for sure who took them.
Armored Gloves (AG)
About ten times the price of those junky green gloves, armoured gloves are more like protective gauntlets and are popular in such industries as the energy sector, manufacturing and fabricating operations and distressed damsel-saving, jousting-addicted knights. These gloves can protect a worker's hands from cuts, abrasions and puncture wounds which make them ideal for people playing defence in darts or the javelin toss.
Hard Hat (HH)
This type of hat is characterized by the fact that it is hard... and is a hat. They are not referred to as helmets, however, because, well, we're not sure why, but if you're doing that, just stop it. The other guys will laugh at you behind your back. Most industries that require hard hats, such as drilling rigs, expect the specialty headgear to be CSA approved. This designation stands for Canadian Standards Association and not Cranial Storage Accessory as has been rumored.
Fire Retardant Hard Hat Liner (FRHHL)
Very different than an ocean liner, or even eye liner, this HH liner is specially made to not catch fire while wearing it. This is the result of manufacturing these liners from non-flammable materials such as gravel or knitted using steel wool. These liners are designed for keeping your skull warm and, as a result, are also known as 'block heaters'.
Safety Glasses (SG)
Confusingly, these are not glasses full of safety. They're not even full of tequila. In fact, they are supposed to be worn on the face to stop pokes in the eye. SGs became popular during the Three Stooges revival of the late 80's.
Flame Retardant Rain Gear
You would think if it was raining, fire would be your last concern but rules are rules and many PPE lists for companies require this specific type of rain gear. If you have any questions regarding this specialty outerwear, you are advised to contact Communist clothing maker, Rudolph the Red. This is because everyone is well aware that Rudolph the Red knows rain gear*.
(*Our apologies for that one. We have sacked our content writer.)