How HR Exit Interviews Are Like Breaking Up With Your Crush
Letting someone go is probably the most difficult and emotionally demanding aspect of any Human Resources Director. Despite rumours to the contrary, no HR manager worth their salt takes any joy in the process. Despite disgruntled employees' over-wrought imaginations, It does not trigger an evil laugh in HR people like some mad scientist in a B-grade movie. In fact, many articles have been written about the emotional impact of firing an employee on HR folk. It has been likened to breaking up with your crush. We can see why.
The Famous Final Scene
HR Director: We need to talk...
Employee: Uh oh. That is never a good sign.
HR Director: You knew this was coming for some time, I think.
Employee: Yeah, probably. I know you've been unhappy with me for a while now. I could sense it.
HR Director: It's not you... really. It's just that... well... it's not a good fit, you know what I mean?
Employee: I tried my best. I tried to make it work.
HR Director: I know you did but it didn't work out and now we have to look at going our separate ways.
Employee: No, please! I can change!
HR Director: It's too late for that. Things have been said. You can't unspeak words once they've been spoken.
Employee: Things get said in the heat of the moment, you know. I know I shouldn't have ranted on Facebook but I was angry. I said I was sorry after!
HR Director: I know. It doesn't matter now, though. People come and people go but things on the Internet last forever. I've made my decision and I have to stick with it.
Employee: So... this is good-bye?
HR Director: Yes. I'm afraid so. I'd still like to be friends, though.
Employee: You want to be friends after kicking me to the curb? Why would I want to do that?
HR Director: I just don't want there to be hard feelings. We might still see each other around, you know. Besides, you wouldn't want me to bad mouth you when anyone asks me about you. If anyone asks about you.
Employee: I will find another. You'll see. Richer and more attractive, too. There are plenty of other fish in the sea!
HR Director: Here are your things. I put them all in this box for you. I will walk you to the door.
Employee: How kind. I know the way, though.
HR Director: Oh no, I insist.